I’LL BE JUST FINE
“How you doing?” they ask
“Pretty good.” I say.
“Yeah I’m ok. Day by day. You know?”
“Yeah,” they say.
“You’ll be ok. You’ll be fine” they say.
“You’re so strong”
“Yeah” I say, “I’ll be ok”
I know they’re not wrong
I’ll be fine.
I’ll be just fine.
Then there’s the quiet. The silence.
No-one to talk to.
To share a thought, or a giggle.
Or share that silly story with. Or a glance.
Half of everything is gone.
No, everything is gone.
It sucks. I ache.
I get on with things.
I keep going.
I give your clothes away.
Your scent is no longer on them.
What else is there ?
“How you doing?” they ask
“Pretty good.” I say.
“Yeah I’m ok. Day by day. You know?”
“Yeah,” they say.
“You’ll be ok. You’ll be fine” they say.
“You’re so strong”
“Yeah” I say, “I’ll be ok”
I know they’re not wrong
I’ll be fine.
I’ll be just fine.
And then there’s the silence.
The quiet. The room is empty.
I used to hear the sound of two hearts.
Then it was the sound of my own tears.
They dried up.
And now I just hear myself breath.
I hear myself sigh.
There’s no more joy in getting high.
The bed is only for unconsciousness.
Your absence takes up so much space.
There’s no-one to hug, to smell, to feel.
The world is not real.
“How you doing?” they ask
“Pretty good.” I say.
“Yeah I’m ok. Day by day. You know?”
“Yeah,” they say.
“You’ll be ok. You’ll be fine” they say.
“You’re so strong”
“Yeah” I say, “I’ll be ok”
I know they’re not wrong
I’ll be fine.
I’ll be just fine.
Then I’ve had enough of my own dread
And feel embers within me,
igniting the life and burning off the dead.
I just have to keep that fire going somehow.
Keep adding the kindling.
Keep trying to fill the empty space.
I’m not sure how to do that so
I just have to know it’s slowly coming.
If I don’t think this way I’ll be lost in oblivion.
And nothing will have ever mattered.
I can’t bare that, I won’t bare that.
Everything mattered. Everything.
“How you doing?” you ask
“Pretty good.” I say.
“Yeah I’m ok. Day by day. You know?”
“Yeah,” you say.
“You’ll be ok. You’ll be fine ” you say.
“You’re so strong.”
“Yeah” I say, “I’ll be ok”
I know you’re not wrong.
“I miss you habibi.” I say.
“I know baby” you say.
“But you’ll be fine.
You’ll be just fine.”
